Running from Jesus

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?                  

                                                                                                 ~Romans 8:35a (ESV)

When I used to read this passage, I thought about all the ways the world would try to separate us from Jesus. You know, kind of like a sappy romantic comedy where it is me and Jesus against the world? We are so in love that none of that matters and we just stare longingly at each other while everything bounces off.

But that is not it at all, is it?

Jesus and my love story looks much more like Hosea and Gomer’s (see Hosea in the Old Testament).

He sacrifices everything for me.

Marries me when no one else would even consider it.

Marries me when there is no way I could ever love Him enough.

Gives me children – makes me fruitful when my life has been one of waste and pain and barrenness.

And how do I repay Him? I run.

I run right back into my life of waste. I am drawn to it. I feel like it is my destiny. How can I change what has been set in motion for all my life?

How can I change what I CHOSE?

It is comfortable for me – the sword, the famine, the nakedness that serves to protect what I really need.

I chose those things over the love of my husband, Jesus.

Part of me hopes he just leaves me where I am. It is too hard to be loved by Him. It is too hard to accept His love after all I have done…

All I have been.

I don’t deserve it. But what does He do?

He searches far and wide for me. No matter how far I run. No matter how small I make myself. His love finds me and He calls to me. He comes and he buys me back from my chosen life.

At great cost, He buys my wasted life and brings me back to Himself. It hurts to feel His love for me.

He doesn’t want anything from me. There is nothing I can give Him. The ways I have learned to survive are useless with Him.

He reaches out His hand to me and, as He holds my gaze, He quietly says, “Trust Me.”

Can I do it?

Will it work this time?

One thing. One thing I know.

He will never stop pursuing me.

If I choose to run again, He will find me.

If I try to offer up all the things that helped me survive in the past, He will simply hold up His hand in a gesture for me to stop. He will take my hand in His and pull me into Him.

Into His love that I cannot understand.

Into His love that is so pure and so all-encompassing that it hurts…

But it is where I long to be!

Can I trust Him? Yes. YES!

He is more beautiful and trustworthy than anyone or anything I have ever encountered.

I am my beloved’s and He is mine.